Category Archives: Self Love/Recovery

Trade Em Up Tuesday: Where Is Summer?

I would trade…how fast summer has gone by.  Is it really already past mid-August? The air is already starting to get crisp and on Friday night when I went out after work, I felt absolutely frigid. Noooo New England, I’m not ready for my summer to leave yet!

I would not trade…finally finding a dress for Kaitlin‘s wedding! That wasn’t close or anything. I am so so so pumped for the Labor Day weekend rehearsal/wedding festivities, and getting to bring Maria as my plus-one so that she, Kaitlin, and I can FINALLY hang out together (all three of us) in person. Kinda nuts that that hasn’t happened yet. And I have to give a big thank you to Tobi for having a 50% off sitewide sale! I’m not going to post a photo of the dress for the wedding but I will share a photo of another dress I couldn’t help but buy because I know it’ll come in handy come fall…

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Wouldn’t It Be Nice…

I made marvelous memories this past weekend but I also spent much of it in a negative funk with too much focus on body image, guilt, fear, comparison traps, and myself in general. The idea for this post popped up in my head yesterday I was taking a walk after the gym and feeling bad for leaving Zumba class halfway through because it was causing lots of pain in my shin.

Because, wouldn’t it be nice…

…if rest could be viewed as a component of a workout/training plan, and not a break from it?

…if putting on pants wasn’t something that needed to be preceded by a pep talk?

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Half Marathon Training: Lessons So Far

So it’s been almost two months since I signed up for my first half marathon – the Zooma Women’s Cape Cod Half. And I’ve been excited to write a post about what I have learned so far during training, and my experience overall with running more than I ever have before!

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Training for My First Half: What I’ve Learned (So Far)

1. Following a training plan makes it (mentally) easier to rest. I haven’t gotten to the point where I can take more than one rest day a week, but for someone who has previously gone as long as a month without a day COMPLETELY off from exercise, this is a big deal. I have been able to take a rest day almost every week since I started training. And I mean real rest days. Not rest days that are actually just days I don’t do cardio, or days I “only” do abs. I’m talking days I don’t do anything except my usual walking around Boston. Seeing rest days on the training plan I’ve been (loosely) following has made it easier for me to tell myself that it’s OK to rest. So has feeling like my rest days have made the long runs done on the day FOLLOWING my rest days easier to push through. It is now mentally normal for me to take one rest day per week. I can’t remember the last time that happened! Not that it’s totally easy, but I’ve been doing it! I’m thankful that I have realized this because I know it’s important if I want to prevent something like an injury – or taking steps backwards in recovery.

I definitely enjoyed this past Thursday's Sazerac more knowing I planned to take a rest day the next day!

I definitely enjoyed this past Thursday’s Sazerac more knowing I planned to take a rest day the next day!

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Whale of a Time

I had so much fun at Saturday’s Boston Rose Cruise (check out Kat’s recap too!) – a whale-sized (aka large) amount of fun. Not only did Kat come to Boston to join me, my 90+ Cellars co-workers, and Eventbrite ticket-buyers for the three-hour Rose-only all-pink-wearing boat cruise, but my mom, sister, Greg, and Jen did as well!

MY PEOPLE! (Photo by Sean Fowler.)

MY PEOPLE! (Photo by Sean Fowler.)

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One Week Later…

Well well well, where did the time go? This is the second time since I moved to Boston that I went a week without blogging – oops! I’ve been really busy – each weekend this summer is seriously already “booked” with plans, some home and some and away, some personal and some work related. It overwhelms me when I think about it, but then I try to tell myself to just NOT think about it, and take it one week at a time.

Working an event this past Sunday – I matched the Rose!

Previously on Cait Plus Ate (let’s say this in the Emily Thorn voice, a la Revenge), I was having a really tough time trying to figure out what was “okay” to do –  in terms of healthy living – while in recovery. I’d had a long Memorial Day weekend of plans that involved drinking and “risky” food, so I decided to abstain from alcohol for a few days. That actually ended up being no big deal and, I feel at least, not related to deprivation. I really just didn’t want anything to drink, and my body felt better for it. Perhaps that’s why Friday nights beverages hit me way harder than I anticipated, but that’s a story for another time.

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What I’m “Allowed”

This is a post that’s been weighing on the back of my mind for awhile now and on the front of my mind the entire Memorial Day weekend. I’m still struggling with recovery and what it means in terms of what I’m “allowed” to feel about my body, or what I’m “allowed” to do about my body if my feelings about it are not so favorable. I continue to have great weekends and attend fun events in Boston – and when I go home! I continue to do a pretty good job of not depriving myself. But I also continue to feel as if my body is changing in ways I strongly dislike (dare I say hate), as a result of all that lack of deprivation. I feel like my lack of deprivation is actually overdoing it. I feel as if I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum now, and my body shows it. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel gross. I feel disgusting. Last night I met up with Jen for a patio drink to conclude our holiday weekend, and I wore a dress I purchased back on Black Friday 2011. It felt so tight on me, and I felt like I was busting out of it. I felt self-conscious and wished I was wearing something more bag-like. I kept mentally pulling up in my mind photos of me in the same dress when I wore it in Orlando in March 2012, or at the Mohegan Sun BrewFest later that same year.

Before dinner with my parents, in Orlando.

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I Peeked

I’ve told my scale story in the past. I haven’t had any plans to step on a scale in quite awhile. I haven’t even felt tempted. But last week during a visit to the doctor, after I stepped on the scale backwards and asked the nurse not to tell me my weight, I began to wonder. And once we got to the examination room and she set the clipboard down, I couldn’t resist a sudden urge to look over at the paper where she’d written down my weight. And I peeked.

So I saw how much I weighed, and I actually breathed a sigh of relief. Because in my mind, since I’ve been feeling as if I go out too often and don’t work out enough, I felt sure that I’d gained a significant amount of weight. I often find myself hating the way my pants feel, and without a scale in my life, that’s been my personal measure of body change. But the number I saw wasn’t as high as I’d assumed it’d be. And that made me happy.

Today’s shorts – I used to absolutely need a belt with these (last summer) but now I can get away with not wearing one. I’ve definitely noticed.

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My First Nantucket Weekend!

This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to Nantucket for the island’s annual Wine Festival! I worked the Saturday afternoon Grand Tasting pouring 90+ Cellars and Ironside Cellars, but the rest of the weekend was spent tasting wine and food, exploring Nantucket’s shops and restaurants, and drinking champagne. Lots of champagne.

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Jeannie and I hit the road Friday morning and JUST missed our high-speed ferry, but luckily we were able to walk onto a freight (aka slow) ferry so that we could get onto the island ASAP. Our next high-speed ferry option wouldn’t have had us on the island until about 6PM! The crew of the ship got a kick out of us for some reason and invited us up to steer the ship. Okay not actually steer, but I did get to sit in the captain’s chair and use binoculars!

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Meh In My Monday

I know Monday is when I’m supposed to come in with a Marvelous In My Monday post and recap my marvelous weekend, negative thoughts and anxieties in all. I know I’m supposed to use MIMM posts as a way to remind myself of the marvelous in my life that I’m lucky to have – and then that’s supposed to cheer me up. But I really don’t feel like going that route today because I’m just feeling so meh. I have a lot of crap weighing on my mind, and it’s not all ED/recovery related. Instead of focusing on the marvelous to distract myself, I really just want to talk about it all and get it off my chest. So that’s what I’m going to do.

But I guess I’ll get the food/fitness stuff out of the way. My week last week was the most meh workout week I’ve had in a long time. I had work-related events going on a couple of evenings, plus Marathon Monday and plans Friday night, so the only day I was able to do an after-work gym session (which means my beloved group fitness) was Tuesday. That was great but the other days of the week were morning workouts, no classes, and by the end of the week I was just so over it. I have a hard time motivating myself without classes and getting wrapped up in anxiety about not working “hard enough” without a class only makes me feel less motivated to push myself.

Thursday I went out with coworkers after work and had an awesome time but woke up at 3AM with 1.5 hour long insomnia. When my alarm went off for the gym – another solo session – I debated for a bit and decided to say screw it. Rest day for me. Well I never went back to sleep despite the fact that I felt EXHAUSTED, which only made me feel lazy for skipping the gym. Thankfully my mood improved a bit after I skipped out on Friday afternoon wine tasting at work and also walked two miles to meet Annie for dinner (all the while phone chatting with Kaitlin).

Classy picstitch courtesy of Annie!

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Thinking Out Loud: Recovery Update

Not only has it been a couple of week since I joined Amanda‘s Thinking Out Loud Thursday link-up, but it’s also been awhile since I addressed how I’m doing (since moving to Boston) with my ongoing ED recovery journey. (If you’re new to my blog, you can read about my past and progress on my About Me.) I thought I’d go for a combo and update everyone in a random-thoughts format. But the bottom line is: It’s going pretty well!

1. I’ve found a therapist…for now at least. The person I’m seeing (we’ve had about 4 bi-weekly sessions at this point) is not nearly as helpful (so far) as my therapist in CT, but at the same time I haven’t felt as much of a “need” to see a therapist since I’m just so busy and also quite happy here, so I guess I’d call her good enough. I honestly didn’t have the energy to keep looking for someone…this person is a five minute walk from my office, so I can just pop out and see her over a lunch break and then come back. I just haven’t been getting a ton out of the appointments, except the chance to talk at someone and get feedback. Yet perhaps at this point that’s all I really need. I’m still thinking on this one.

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Meet Caitlin

I’m a 28 year old full-time working girl living in Boston (previously lived in Connecticut). I’m passionate about food/drink, restaurants, self-love, fitness, and the ever-present search for balance. I write about that journey on this blog – I hope you enjoy!

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Design Credit

My header was originally designed by Mai Le and later tweaked by Chris Roggi to match this theme, which he helped me customize. He also moved me over to self-hosting! Both can be contacted through their sites for design & development work!

Disclaimer

I am not an RD and do not have any official training, certifications, or degrees in nutrition or fitness. This blog is a way to write about my life. Any views I express are mine alone, based on what works for me, and should never be taken as medical advice. Always talk to your doctor or a trained professional before starting a new diet or fitness plan. In addition, this blog and its content are in no way affiliated with Kate Gosselin, “Kate Plus 8”, TLC, or any related affiliates.

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